From Blockhead to Rock(head)

Mary said, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel departed from her.
Luke 1:38

Lord, make me more like Mary!

  • that I can know Your voice when You are speaking to me
  • that I can humble myself enough to LISTEN and do what you ask
  • that I can be content in my circumstances
  • that I can have a glimpse of what it’s like to have that perfect trust she has in You

I used to think Mary was someone I did NOT want to be like.  Actually, I think I was actually a little jealous of her because she was so…   PERFECT.  It was not the good kind of jealousy.   The dislike stemming from my complete inability to be anything like her.  I never measured up to my mom’s expectations, my teacher’s expectations, my friend’s expectations.  Even when I grew up, got married, had kids, and become a model employee I *still* found expectations that I couldn’t live up to.

I realize now that it’s because I was always trying too hard to do it my way.  So much trying that I didn’t have time to pray, to be close to God.   I went to church and Bible study, I prayed sporadically, I read the Bible now and again outside church, but it was just an extra.  Not the main thing.   Remember the youth group object lesson about the rocks, pebbles, sand, and water in a jar?


My family were my big rocks.  Church and church activities were the bigger pebbles, friends were the smaller pebbles.   The sand was coaching soccer, all the things that go along with being a parent like driving, fundraising, keeping up with all the equipment and the schedules, choir, housework (hah!).   And then the water?  Occasional hiking trips, mom’s night out, a good bottle of wine.

See what’s missing?   I confused church with God.  Church is good and our relationships within the parish are an important part of living our faith.  But they aren’t The Main Thing.   Jesus is.  My relationship with God is.   That relationship is The Big Rock.  Ha!  I didn’t even see where I was going with that!

The Big Rock first and everything else follows.   The peace that passes understanding.  The calm that I’ve been looking for for most of my adult life.

Henry Owasso Tanner, The Annunciation, 1898

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